Ten Mistakes Not to Make in Your First XTERRA

1. Don't wear your swimsuit under your bike shorts. There are no panty lines in multisport. Either swim in bike shorts or buy combination swimsuit/bike shorts, better known as tri-shorts. The better choice is tri-shorts, because after the swim, the shammy in normal bike shorts will feel like a wet diaper. And don't buy those "short" tri-shorts that are so skimpy your privates almost hang out. Get regular length tri-shorts. Guys (and girls) look like Richard Simmons when wearing short tri-shorts, and short tri-shorts defeat the whole purpose of tri-shorts, which is preventing chafing. You might as well wear a bikini brief, which, in my opinion, is just plain wrong to race in and should be illegal.

2. Don't put on Vaseline or sunscreen before getting on the bike after the swim.  If you do, your hands will be so slick that you'll have to exert a "Kung-Fu" grip on the handlebars to hold on and your forearms will lock up (known as "arm pump") inside of ten minutes. And the next morning you won't be able to generate enough grip to even hold your coffee cup. Grease up before the swim.

3. Don't set up a picnic in your transition area. This is XTERRA, not adventure racing. I've watched people have five-course meals, complete with chairs and a picnic blanket at an adventure race. In an XTERRA, gorge yourself when you're done.

4. If you're going to crash, do it way out on the course and not in the transition area. If you crash in the transition area and knock 25 bikes off the bike rack, everyone will see it was because you looked down to get your water bottle. If you crash out on the course, spectators only see you coming back into the transition area dirty and bloody. Then you can conjure up your own tragic but heroic crash story to cover up the fact that you simply made a "Doh!"

5. If you feel nauseous and think you're going to hurl, try to barf in front of as few witnesses as possible, and never spew crossing the finish line. You may get sympathy for a bike crash, but you'll never get sympathy for upchucking in front of - or heaven forbid, on - hundreds of enthusiastic spectators. Just remember: barfing is never cool.

6. Yes, a bear takes its dumps in the woods, but if you have to go, try to hold it until you find a Port-O-Potty. Be safe and bring your own TP, just in case.

7. When having post-race pictures taken, remember to check yourself in a mirror or car window before the shot. Chances are you've accumulated sweat, dirt, grass, snot, boogers, moss, mud, loogies, and who knows what else in your teeth and on your face during the race. Here's a hint: If your spouse, parents, or kids back away with abject looks of horror when you try to hug them after your record-breaking performance, you might want to check your face.

8. If, as Tom Hanks said in A League of Their Own, there's no crying in baseball, then there's definitely no crying in XTERRA. If you have a mishap - your bike breaks, you lose a shoe in the mud, you take a wrong turn in the woods, your significant other leaves you in the dust - don't loose your temper or start blubbering. Lots of things can and do happen during an XTERRA. That's part of what makes it so FUN. Take it all in stride and roll with the punches. One of the best parts about XTERRA is telling war stories after the race, and everyone will have at least one.

9. Don't take anyone's word on how difficult or technical the course is. Even your best and most trusting friend may either honestly or dishonestly (some people think it's funny to videotape their friends suffering and send it to "Real TV") underestimate the degree of difficulty. Trust only yourself. Check out as much of the course as you can beforehand. If that's not possible, talk to as many people as possible to get a consensus.

10. Don't be too serious. Go hard, but have fun. I bet you'll race better.